The Night I Almost Gave up

It's a few years back (maybe more than a few), and I'm living in a tiny little town called Abita Springs just outside New Orleans, Louisiana.

It's one of those summer nights where the air just feels thick. The humidity here is no joke.

I pull into the Johnny's Pizza parking lot with my buddy Tyler and turn off the car. Besides us, the parking lot is deserted.

Tyler gets out but I just sit there, silent.

The Neon Johnnys sign buzzes as it pulses on and off splashing red light across the lot and into the car, old cheap pizza smell seeps through the windows

And I'm just sitting there thinking, "What the hell am I even doing here?"

Tyler pops his head back in breaking through my trance.

"You comin dude? Whoa what's wrong?"

It's not like me to mope like this.

I don't wanna say it, but I crack:

"Do I suck dude? Am I just a terrible actor?"

I had just bombed the biggest audition of my life. I'd been in New Orleans almost 2 years now and haven't booked a thing.

"Be honest man, do I suck?"

Tyler just shrugs.

"Nah man you don't suck, you're good, you just haven't come across the right thing yet."

I remember sinking deeper into my seat, thinking, what if I never come across the right thing

I had given up everything for this, I moved away from my family, spent every last dollar I had saved on acting classes, left a long term relationship, all pursuing this one goal I was failing miserably at.

Tylers stomach growls breaking the silence and snapping me out of it.

I decide to get out. I figure I can sulk while eating pizza.

We pop into Johnnys, this retro little pizza joint we go to a lot. They have "cartoon pizza" the kind where the cheese stretches for a mile when you pull it apart.

We finally get up to the counter and the guy taking our order looks like he's straight out of a movie.

Bright yellow shirt. Red sleeves. Johnnys Pizza hat. Absolutely miserable.

Tyler says, "Large cheese pizza, please"

The dude punches in our order like a robot. Doesn't say a word.

I slide a dollar bill in the tip jar. It's all I've got, but this guy looks like he's seconds away from a breakdown.

We eat. I fell a little better.

I drive us home on a long stretch of single lane highway and it's quiet again, but this time the silence feels different.

All I can think about is the pizza guy. How dead his eyes looked. He clearly hated being there.

Then it hit me:

That used to be me.

I used to wear that exact same face everyday that I was at my old job because I literally felt like I was wasting my life.

And in that moment I realized something:

I may not have had much success just yet, I may have been broke, but for the first time in a long time, I was happy.

I was in it.

And I realized that I’d rather spend the rest of my life pursuing the things I Iove and am passionate about, even if I was failing at them, than go back to my old life asking myself what could have happened.

I'll never forget what I learned that night.

You can be broke and struggling and still be aligned.

If you find yourself in the middle of your own version of the Johnnys Pizza parking lot, don't quit.

You're closer than you think.

I hope this help.

Caleb